nineteen nineteen nineteeeennsss

I haven't been talking to you at all, nor I respond to your Instagram stories (because I hide them from my timeline), nor I ask a vague question about how your day is going.I just kept my feelings bottled up if I wanted to. Dude, are you happy right now? Sorry to say this odd letter to you earlier, just a week later you would be 19! once again happy birthday!!

i just wanna say that, honestly, I'll always miss those conversations whenever i think, wherever i step my feet. Maybe some of my friends would scream in my ear "stop dita, you're being obsessed". I understand my feelings wholly and utterly. it's just miss-that-kind-of-conversation. i found a lot of people after knitting myriads of memories and leaving that chain, and I found a lot of boys too. oh by the way, about communication and talking to people, my first work in Cimb niaga brought bunches of perks in my life, ta. feel blessed to have'em. and continuously, i met more peeps to talk to, friends to laugh with, and some wise humans that were similar to you, but not the same.

Talking about falling in love, I didn't want to say it directly in front of you when we were friends because I was afraid of the consequences, and Nadya was also telling me that if I said it, you'd laugh at me behind my back. same way you laugh at another girl who convey their  feeling into you. im too afraid. now i have been falling in love with many boys! but... when i contemplated it or perhaps just take a deep breath and look more tight to those belly's butterflies, i realized that i'm not really falling in love with the person. i just flourished my brain because the actions of those people has just fulfilling my ego. it's not a real love, right? So here I am, wallowing in my intuition in search of the definition and predetermined boundaries of what love truly is.but if im happy whenever you radically corrected my way of thinking, or in my way of perceiving something, and it's called "ego-fulfilling," i plead that i did it. i do.

be healthy, ta. i will always pray for your happiness, that you pursue your fantastic dreams, and the universe gives you showers of blessings every day and in every place that you walk.