How do I Think about Acceptance in My Early 20’s and its Paradoxity to Fill the “Gap” and Loneliness

How do I Think about Acceptance in My Early 20’s and its Paradoxity to Fill the “Gap” and Loneliness

How do I Think about Acceptance in My Early 20’s and its Paradoxity to Fill the “Gap”
sumber gambar: Vecteezy (dotshock)

If I may take a part of my life to figured out that striving for my partial goals would be this questionable, doomy, and isolated, I would rather ask for more, more specific time to prepare it, patiently.
The Primary Realization
Graduated high school with a pretty frustrated vision about my own future: The COVID pandemic has brought my rage into some specific points, ruptured family business, and several blurky weeks contain realization that I’d probably never step up my feet onto my dream university, my dream art science institute. I remember that one night when I heavily burst into tears and imagined all of my friends in school, precisely before the graduation party (which is I didn’t join because for my financial condition).
This reservoir of sadness doesn’t filled up wholly with my extremely-ripped heart, the fact that I would miss my friends, missing them every sunshine shows its density and attach it to my forehead in the morning. Or their unintentional hilarious and silly acts, gossiping about the break couple in the next of our classroom, those melodramas, I’m sure those will definitely stay in my head for some weeks or months, even until now.
But here I am, sit and looking to my office’s computer to say that those stories are not the only reason for my cry: I know that I would be missed out. It’s obvious not all of my friends have a millionaire parents who raised them well and gave a best standards for their children’s education. There’s always some friend that has such the same financial condition as me. However, in that situation, I see no hope, or even mere possibility that I can afford those colleges. I’ve known KIPK and other government programs that help a lot of people. But in my head, I still annexed my state that, my family don’t have enough amount of money that make me sure that I could go to college every other morning without having a middle-headache thinking about bank loan, my little brother’s lesson grade, or the electricity bills.
The Dillemas: on Dilated Pessimistic
I mean, I could go to learn about making a heart-wrenching movie script or a full-colored nirmana paper that adopted Van Gogh’s literate motives and intrinsic personality in his masterpieces. But dispute those wonderful thoughts understanding and creations, mixing them with my deranged calculations of how much money I would give to my parents, while I think about how can I survive one semester without remaining any student loan(?) Seems like a tremendous repetitive nightmare: Thinking in every tiny second of my life.
Deciding to work, I put aside my utopian goals (that previously seemed attainable for my visionary side), and got my first job as a banking telemarketer. Hahaha that was so punching out my face to the back and forth, to the left and right. I don’t have any capability to communicate and persuade someone to taking a loan (really? something that I’ve always avoid to?). I resigned after three months and got my second job as an internet provider canvasser staff, and my third job as a design graphic, which is my dream job. Sounds like a short life story but I would slightly elaborate it in certain parts. Being an internet provider canvasser was such a lifetime lesson for me to humble my thinking state as same as my coworkers. In the previous place, which is the bank, all the people were using high-maintenance ways of communicating, using swervy technique to delicately convey the loan offerings. Being a canvasser, I sat a whole day on the cheap plastic-made chair that would easily trembles and falls if my friend kicks in a medium power. Waiting for people that catch an interest to our products, then we would present and elaborate the vocal points of the product and its advantages to make them purchase and add some of our commision-based salary. But our clients, and also our potential clients, are not bosses of an enriched company, or huge entrepreneurs, or something similar. Our potential clients is a middle to low economic state.
When we don’t have any potential customer in our stand, we were gonna talk about anything and each of them has broad interest of difference topics and field. We tend to talk in entire days about funny pandas Tiktok videos on our phones, discussing whether my friend prefers to stay in relationship with her boyfriend because of his loyaltiness or break his breath because of the different main concerns perspectives.
Bunches of stressed days clearly dominate our fun days, I saw it when my friend resigned one by one due to lack of selling number, it’s understandable that everyone were not going to work that doesn’t fill up their life, or more terrible, might cost us a lot (for commute, lunch accomodation, times, etc). I also decided to leave because I got a better job even I’m more lucky to got 2 months of full commision salary.
According to new research by F&C Investment Trust, majority of working adults who have secured their dream job in 33-years-old — the Evening Standard reports. What else should I do except saying gratitude daily in my ten minutes of brisk walk to my office and intent to be the best of me? I’m 20 and happily living my best life everyday, designing and get paid. Don’t have any issues for inappropriate behaviour of coworker as the stories that ubiquitously spreaded. Instead, they are such a wholesome buddies. It looks like I also don’t have any burdens of my workload, everything in office was so stable and this is “that kind of dream job” that I’ve been dreamed of.
Anyway it doesn’t go away, my dream university, echoes in my mind’s horizon, sit still.
I used to be a good explainer in my classroom in high school, when some specific points of the lesson was readed by my teacher, and that’s the topic that I put interested in, such as history, civic, or biology. My neurons would shiver in few seconds before gather all of the important points, immaculating an intact mind script in my head (or sometimes I wrote three or four words to embold my memory). I love learning, explaining something to other people about topics that I’m good at, colliding the pros and cons and reintegrate our final state about the lesson in a focus group discussion.
That’s obviously a lie when I say that “I’ll be a richie aunt first, then I took the college…” or “I don’t have that huge of concerns to pursue those boring lectures or textbooks”. That masking trick would shed roughly if sometimes I stressed out and go back to my utopian dream room and plead loudly to universe that I want it. That kind of pain that wrenching out my head when I knew that I have hundreds of question racks that mimic my face when they were pleading for some one line explanation from the lecturer.

How do I Think about Acceptance in My Early 20’s and its Paradoxity to Fill the “Gap”
sumber gambar: Vecteezy (dotshock)

If I may take a part of my life to figured out that striving for my partial goals would be this questionable, doomy, and isolated, I would rather ask for more, more specific time to prepare it, patiently.
The Primary Realization
Graduated high school with a pretty frustrated vision about my own future: The COVID pandemic has brought my rage into some specific points, ruptured family business, and several blurky weeks contain realization that I’d probably never step up my feet onto my dream university, my dream art science institute. I remember that one night when I heavily burst into tears and imagined all of my friends in school, precisely before the graduation party (which is I didn’t join because for my financial condition).
This reservoir of sadness doesn’t filled up wholly with my extremely-ripped heart, the fact that I would miss my friends, missing them every sunshine shows its density and attach it to my forehead in the morning. Or their unintentional hilarious and silly acts, gossiping about the break couple in the next of our classroom, those melodramas, I’m sure those will definitely stay in my head for some weeks or months, even until now.
But here I am, sit and looking to my office’s computer to say that those stories are not the only reason for my cry: I know that I would be missed out. It’s obvious not all of my friends have a millionaire parents who raised them well and gave a best standards for their children’s education. There’s always some friend that has such the same financial condition as me. However, in that situation, I see no hope, or even mere possibility that I can afford those colleges. I’ve known KIPK and other government programs that help a lot of people. But in my head, I still annexed my state that, my family don’t have enough amount of money that make me sure that I could go to college every other morning without having a middle-headache thinking about bank loan, my little brother’s lesson grade, or the electricity bills.
The Dillemas: on Dilated Pessimistic
I mean, I could go to learn about making a heart-wrenching movie script or a full-colored nirmana paper that adopted Van Gogh’s literate motives and intrinsic personality in his masterpieces. But dispute those wonderful thoughts understanding and creations, mixing them with my deranged calculations of how much money I would give to my parents, while I think about how can I survive one semester without remaining any student loan(?) Seems like a tremendous repetitive nightmare: Thinking in every tiny second of my life.
Deciding to work, I put aside my utopian goals (that previously seemed attainable for my visionary side), and got my first job as a banking telemarketer. Hahaha that was so punching out my face to the back and forth, to the left and right. I don’t have any capability to communicate and persuade someone to taking a loan (really? something that I’ve always avoid to?). I resigned after three months and got my second job as an internet provider canvasser staff, and my third job as a design graphic, which is my dream job. Sounds like a short life story but I would slightly elaborate it in certain parts. Being an internet provider canvasser was such a lifetime lesson for me to humble my thinking state as same as my coworkers. In the previous place, which is the bank, all the people were using high-maintenance ways of communicating, using swervy technique to delicately convey the loan offerings. Being a canvasser, I sat a whole day on the cheap plastic-made chair that would easily trembles and falls if my friend kicks in a medium power. Waiting for people that catch an interest to our products, then we would present and elaborate the vocal points of the product and its advantages to make them purchase and add some of our commision-based salary. But our clients, and also our potential clients, are not bosses of an enriched company, or huge entrepreneurs, or something similar. Our potential clients is a middle to low economic state.
When we don’t have any potential customer in our stand, we were gonna talk about anything and each of them has broad interest of difference topics and field. We tend to talk in entire days about funny pandas Tiktok videos on our phones, discussing whether my friend prefers to stay in relationship with her boyfriend because of his loyaltiness or break his breath because of the different main concerns perspectives.
Bunches of stressed days clearly dominate our fun days, I saw it when my friend resigned one by one due to lack of selling number, it’s understandable that everyone were not going to work that doesn’t fill up their life, or more terrible, might cost us a lot (for commute, lunch accomodation, times, etc). I also decided to leave because I got a better job even I’m more lucky to got 2 months of full commision salary.
According to new research by F&C Investment Trust, majority of working adults who have secured their dream job in 33-years-old — the Evening Standard reports. What else should I do except saying gratitude daily in my ten minutes of brisk walk to my office and intent to be the best of me? I’m 20 and happily living my best life everyday, designing and get paid. Don’t have any issues for inappropriate behaviour of coworker as the stories that ubiquitously spreaded. Instead, they are such a wholesome buddies. It looks like I also don’t have any burdens of my workload, everything in office was so stable and this is “that kind of dream job” that I’ve been dreamed of.
Anyway it doesn’t go away, my dream university, echoes in my mind’s horizon, sit still.
I used to be a good explainer in my classroom in high school, when some specific points of the lesson was readed by my teacher, and that’s the topic that I put interested in, such as history, civic, or biology. My neurons would shiver in few seconds before gather all of the important points, immaculating an intact mind script in my head (or sometimes I wrote three or four words to embold my memory). I love learning, explaining something to other people about topics that I’m good at, colliding the pros and cons and reintegrate our final state about the lesson in a focus group discussion.
That’s obviously a lie when I say that “I’ll be a richie aunt first, then I took the college…” or “I don’t have that huge of concerns to pursue those boring lectures or textbooks”. That masking trick would shed roughly if sometimes I stressed out and go back to my utopian dream room and plead loudly to universe that I want it. That kind of pain that wrenching out my head when I knew that I have hundreds of question racks that mimic my face when they were pleading for some one line explanation from the lecturer.

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